If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my good friends would still be alive. It's important to have a good vocabulary."Just say NO to drugs!" Well, If I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says. "I work with animals," the guy says to his date.What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.I'll never forget my granddad's last words to me just before he died: "Are you still holding the ladder?".Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them. Never break someone's heart, they only have one.The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him.For instance, when you push them down the stairs. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face.If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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